Hey love, well I guess I wouldn't want you at my crusty toes or feet so why would I hope for that. Anyway, I was thinking of a love story...somewhat fairy tale story as I always get on to fantasying. It starts off with me feeling all dumpy again and overall broken hearted with having lost all sense of hope for love and well what comes with that. Although, some people might not look at love with a sense of wanting a family and being productive all day, which comes with the wealthy lifestyle my partner would have of course. Although, it really isn't about wealth but just' a good sense of business oriented that brings wealth by not really doing much for too many days out of the week, because...family should be important to the father as well as to the mother.
Family, comes to mind in a visual way because hugs and kisses are of the importance I believe to embrace the warmth it brings. Although, a family doesn't necessarily have to be one of the view. Justice is blind and yet she has a whole bar of family that seeks her for her wealth thru following the law. She probably doesn't know of it but it's a possibility. So, I understand that a family now does not have to be visual. However, I would like it to be.
So, we would live out in the country, because I believe raising kids in the country can teach them how to be discipline in doing chores on a daily basis. Why are chores important? Chores are important because they give the sense of consistency and are a way of developing discipline. Discipline is important once having a job and being able to perform, one's best! Being out in the greenery is also very relaxing and in the country one can breath a perfect kind of oxygen due to the many trees and plants that grow all around.
Where was I going with this?_____? Anyway, I get emotional in having to write this and publish it publicly because I swear I will be able to express this in person, which I probably won't so I really have to express it in writing. It's kind of like a wish perhaps that involve a lot of things and tiny, middle and perhaps even an adult. Well all those people would be a part of my wish and you would have them there all together whenever you come and find me.
What a wish,huh? More like a fairy tale, but I did mention that in the beginning. So you come right, who you are going to be IDK. But, it's just' one of those things that happen that only you know where I could be. Once finding me, you would take me to our home and all these munchkins would be there to welcome me. Who the munchkins would be, IDK. They could be your, mine, or maybe ours. Just' like the movie.
So, it get's exciting having to get to this place and them showing me around and we get acquainted. Once having done that if we haven't already done paperwork that is on marriage, or probably not...IDK, what you think of the whole thing but if it's as important to you as it would be for me to be united and know for a fact that we were meant to be, then probably a nice wedding would take place. Maybe it's too late for me to think of such a wish, but what difference does it make if I pitch it to you or not. It's still a home run by having told you my wish. With many people and things involved in this wish.
Could of gone into further details in to whom and names and such but, I know that in life I probably won't have it all my way, but it's wishful thinking for the moment and wanted to share that with you, love! Also to remind you, that I think of you every now and then and I perhaps, haven't met you yet. Yet, I miss not having you and the munchkins. I know it's too much to ask for when it comes to my wild ways and wild thoughts and perhaps actions.
Knowing I am cold when it comes to love and showing my loved one's I love them or even care. But, I guess it's my way of letting go of this fantasy that I don't know if I ever had or maybe it was just a dream and I was living someone else's life. IDK What your take would be in my selfish thinking, but the damage I can do by giving my whole heart could be a disaster, not only to myself but to individuals that don't belong to me and I can't have for myself all the time every time. Maybe not every hour, but everyday. Really, such a selfish person deserves "NO LOVE"! A person that stops caring is not worthy of seeking a wish of such great magnitude or do we? Caring too much is heartbreaking, it's emotionally draining and maybe it's the way I noticed some people to be, maybe it's just' how I am.
One thing for sure, If my wish ever came true..I know I would not do anything to fuck it up! For anything in this bullshit world! I realize I might not have it my way. However, it's wishful thinking. Haven't done anything to earn that life, perhaps. I don't know what good I have done in the eyes of God, but whatever happens to me thru all my body when I feel pain can not be any good, so..my pain has to count for something, plus the ideas I throw out there and the ideas I write, or whatever good advice I ever gave perhaps might count for something. If talking to God about money situations and what I have lacked to offer.
All that must be important, plus prayer, actions during everyday life, dreams, thoughts. Scary to think of how God's standards might have to be so darn high for someone like me to wish such a wish, but it's something I wanted to share with you on this day. Maybe, I'll start by waking up and by wondering what I must have missed in those days that I was asleep for too long. Some times it feels as if I have been asleep for days, and since I have no daily obligations I wont know if I've been asleep for days.
Failing in the past to certain obligations also make me feel unworthy of another chance. Having to prove myself over and over made me not want to prove myself at all, now! Hurts like hell, but my prayers with God have to be loyal..even though I failed to care of the things I have said to God at times, I come to the conclusion that I am probably not a good person. Unworthy of love, unworthy of a family or probably even friends. So, writing to you my love and expressing my deepest feelings is all I got right now.
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